#Dadmos

vegDad and I meet for lunch at Bozzers (Boswells) Dad over pronounces to the cashier what he’d like really enunciating Bluuueeeberry muffin and doing weird am dram pauses between that and a coke – he always has a coke. I say to him “Dad you’re SO dramatic” and we’re off! Dad takes this as his cue to turn around to the whole cafe announcing “One has to add ones flare to to liiiiifffeee you knoooowww” My god we are not on Shakespeare’s globe theatre we are in Boswells cafe in The Shires. But classic Trowbridge no one bats an eyelid. I am already finding him funny. We sit, Dad with his muffin me with my teacake and  Dad then takes out all the books he’s bought from Bargain Books peeling off the stickers and telling me he’s saved £35 on their original prices. (He loves a bargain as is an avid reader) Later in our afternoon Dad decides to tell the SK Fruits of Trowbridge cashiers that the mountain of fruit & veg I was buying was for my new juicer & it was just a fad. He also intersperses my raw beetroot being scanned with “Rabbit FOOOOD” people who don’t know Dad don’t know how to take him so the ladies just look awkward. But no one matters at this point Dad has started bants war so I quickly counter humiliate him by announcing “Shut up dad stop showing off because you’re embarrassed because you are eating your second Crunchie!” BOOM! Yes! I knew this to be true cos we bought them down Wikos as they were 2 for 80p, when discussing together how I could save money by storing my soon to be juiced veg in a Tupperware box or jar rather than a jug. Dad checks their lids and I decide to smell them all to ascertain which is fit for my juice. We both decide on a £2.50 one which clearly won’t fit in the fridge. On buying I spot the 2 for 80p chocs which Dad like a child starts announcing I have got to have chocolate “QUICK!!!”. So back in SK Fruits on busting him on the fact he’s eaten both he looks guilty and says “yes I do feel disgusting” but you can’t keep a good man down. Dad then starts his counter strategy attack which is some classic inappropriate body shuffling outside and shouting singular words in Castle Place market to which I laugh. This goes on. Its like a silent ‘Capoeira’ dance Dad and I do attacking and counter attacking without direct contact – but ours not with martial arts moves but with odd bants or behaviour… our only rules are if  something is massively inappropriate I’ll call time! I’m the referee Dad can’t be as he’s a maverick. Dad enjoys pushing the boundaries and if you show you are embarrassed he’ll only up his game. We get in the car Dad has on his car seat sweets and rat poison! He had already told me the story of the days dead rat and done a very funny impression of a rat which I had to hold back the laughs as every time I laughed in the cafe he did it again and he doesnt know when to stop. We end the trip with the other game which is Dad is always singing and I try and sing the next line from his songs today’s was “I’m walking down your street again, passed your door” … “Waaaaiiiiitt I shout (pause) “but you don’t live there anymore its years since you been there now you bla blah blah blah (i make up some words here) …we join in with each other at the chorus “….And I miss you like the deserts miss the rain…” (Everything But The Girl) We both seem pleased with this achievement. Dad pushes his cassette tape clunkily into his cassette deck surely the only man who still listens to cassettes and its always the same one! A crackly ladies voice booms singing “Good Bye Ruby Tuesday who could hang name on youuuuu”‘ and with that we’re off home, me the rat poison and bags full of veg! Another lunch day with Dad done! Classic #Dadmos (Dad moments)
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